Bhajan Mandali

@Kirtan in Delhi

There are somethings which are very specific to a very typical Dilli (not Delhi) culture. One of them is having Kirtans before the wedding, either for the bride or the groom.

A bhajan madali is called. They sing songs for the God / Goddess. And before you know it, very active audiences start dancing to those 'bhajans'... Interesting..

At my brother in law's wedding, we too had a kirtan afternoon. This happened before the wedding celebrations begin. All of us dressed up to the hilt as if we were to go to a grand party. Elaborate food arrangements, decorations and of course the bhajan madali. It was a first for me and trust me, being the bhabhi of my devar, I found it very difficult to dance to these bhajans (I was expected to :-P).

Duality

Its been a crazy crazy weekend. Thanks to KarwaChauth I was busy - infact crazy busy !!! The pre-festival preparation, getting the mehendi done, getting the saree, bangles and all the tam jham ready took a toll on my time management skills.The D-day was as busy as ever. All that fasting and waiting for the moon in a cloudy sky took a lot of my time and energy that finally when the festival did get over, I did not have the time or the energy or the initiative to blog. On top of that, my brain was not giving any output. All it could dream of was my bed. 

Sometimes I think as to how festivals give a different persona to a person. In this case, a girl / woman. The modern, working and the ah-too busy woman, leaves all that she has to do, pause a day or two, turn into a traditional Indian wife / D-I-L, wear a saree, sindhur, bangles, - the works, wait for the moon - the almighty before even touching a drop of water or a morsel of food. Sometimes, I wonder, how we live dual lives. Not sure, if I am putting it correctly, but on one side there is this ultra modern, independent woman who is an office going ultra busy professional or a traveller or a socialite or a  novelist or a chef or an army person and on the other side, she is this 'bahu' / 'biwi'!!! 

 Not wanting to sound a feminist (hate being on either extremes), the duality in our traditions and our society amazes me and shocks me even.

Hmmmm....I guess, each one of us have their own point of views and thoughts about this. True - we enjoy the change, the festivities in the air, the dressing up, the delicacies, et al.... but all this leaves me brooding....

Arranged Match

A arranged match was "fixed" between two individuals, for marraige, by the elders in the family. The girl, lets call her Hema and the boy, lets call him Dharam underwent or should I say endured the following process:

Round 1:

Dharam's Father : (On a phone call to Hema's father) Namaste ji !!!! Ji, we, I and my Missus, were just passing by your residence, thought we'll come and see (read - check out) your daughter and meet your family, of course, if that is not a problem with you (in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon :-O, of course its a problem, but nevertheless). By the way, Dharam is also with me!!!!

Hema's Father: Arre no ji...not at all...this is your house only...you are most welcome...I will immediately inform Hema's mother...(so that Hema can be made presentable for the occasion!!!!) and reach home in just 30 mins...

At home, Hema's mother hastily makes the preparations...orders a local mithaiwala to send in some "motichoor ke laddoos" immediately along with some "namkeen", "cream biscuits" and "cold drinks". Hema is given instructions to quickly get ready in her best salwaar kameez...she reluctantly obliges!!!!

Dharam and Dharam's parents ARRIVE...rightly so...

Everyone is seated in the drawing room and sipping tea / cold-drinks and looking at the prospective bride and groom :-)

Hema's Mother : (Thinking in her mind) The boy is a little bit dark....hmmmm.... my daughter has more degrees than him....she is M.A....while he is only B.Com...my daughter is also very fair...gori - chitti...thodi  'healthy' hai par thik hai...the boy's personality is also okay...not that great.....hmm... only son ....hmmmm.... well settled in family business....Jackpot :-)

Hema's Father: (Thinking in his mind) Dharam's father is in a related business...good for our family business...hmmm.... only son.... looks a little bit meek...sahi hai...Hema is smarter...of course, compromise toh karna padega...after all, one can't get everything in life....hmmmm...jackpot???!!!!!!

Dharam's Father: (Thinking in his mind) The girl is okay....fair....thodi moti hai...but  my son is also dark and meek...good family...of course, a dowry has to be discussed....could be useful in business also....hmmm...jackpot!!!!!

Dharam's Mother: (Thinking in her mind) The girl is fattttt. Colour is okay...these days dusky girls are preferred...so what if she is fair...but she is definitely fatttttt. More degrees than my son...hmmm....too much education is also not good for the girl...will take some hard work to control her....hmmmm.....but she definitely has to reduce...atleast 10 kgs....has to join VLCC....hmmmm.....jackpot :-x

For the first 5 mins, only the sound of munching biscuits....and sipping of the cold drinks and tea is heard...after a while, Hema's father begins the conversation...

Round 2

Hema's father: So what do you think Ji....the children will look good together.... we toh ji like your son...simple and sober and shy (read submissive / meek)....Ji, your family is also good.... By God, Dharam's mother is also so simple and nice and quiet (well - as long as it lasts!!!)...

Hema's mother: Have some more namkeen ji...this is the best namkeen in this city !!! (Offering them the plate)

Dharam's father: Hmmmm... the girl is also good...simple and sober and shy and educated...(*Dharam's mother rolling her eyes*) What do you think Dharam ki maa?

Dharam's mother: Dekho ji, we like the girl.... but she is a bit fat.... she has to join VLCC....(Vandana Luthra will be sooooo happy)...we are a simple family...and we want a simple girl who will adjust...(read - education be damned...I am the boss)...

Hema's mother: Arre Dharam ki maa, do not worry at all.....our daughter is very obedient...(well - atleast she will be intially)... I have taught her everything...she makes very good Chole Bhature....She has made that for lunch today...you must have lunch and then only go....

Round 3:

Dharam's mother:  Hmmmm.....Ji, thik hai....

Dharam's father:    Hmmmm...thik hai ji....

Hema's father:       (*Smiling*) thik hai ji....

Hema's monther:   (*Smiling* - offering the "motichoor ke laddoss" ) these are best "motichoor ke laddoss" in the city ji...:-)

Hema's mother: Ae Ji, let the children talk for a little while....even they should know each other better...now that they are going to be life partners....Beta, you can go to the TV room and chat for a while (*smiling broadly*)....

The "children" apparently leave for the TV room and actually watch TV....leaving their elders to talk about other details!!!!!

Round 4:

Dharam's father: Ji, the marraige will take place in our city....and as told to you earlier also (referring to Hema's father), we will finalise the budget...Rs. XX,XX,XXX ...

Hema's Father: Ji, I am perfectly fine with this...but we will definitely have one small function over here also!!!!

Both the mothers are nodding in unison!!!!

Dharam's mother: Please buy more sarees for Hema......since we wear a lot of sarees....and yes - no jeans allowed...it is not in our culture you see....

Hema's mother: Dont you worry Samdhan ji....I will arrange for everything as per your requirement (read "including gold")...:-)

Hema: (thinking "ho gaya....life ka kachra....") *sigh*

Dharam: (thinking "Happy Budday") *sigh*

P.S. It happens only in India.

Dinner Hassles!!!!

Its dinner time (in my case, 11 PM).... Hubby and me lay the table... with the usual, daal, subzi, curd, chapatis and salads. There's some random movie on HBO.
Hubby: (*frowns)...hmmmm...... lauki again....yellow dal.... chapatis ......hmmmmm
Me: (*defensive)...dont expect me to cook chappan bhog at 9 PM....I am really not in the mood to cook after work....
Hubby: (*a sheepish smile)... no - not that....but LAUKI.... I hate LAUKI.... and TINDAS....BEANS....EGG PLANT.... LADY'S FINGER....PALAK....
Me: o-O .........and what should I cook then your royal highness..... I repeat "dont expect me to cook chappan bhog at 9 PM....I am really not in the mood to cook after work...."
Hubby: What about potatoes? Why dont you cook potatoes more often???
Me: Potatoes????!!!!! you are what you eat!!! ahem.. .and you have started looking like a potato....
Hubby: Here's the weekly dinner menu:
Monday: Aloo matar
Tuesday: Aloo gobhi
Wednesday: Dry aloo pyaaz
Thursday: Aloo methi
Friday: Paneer (for the wifey) and leftovers of thursday
Me: what about other nutritional needs? what about the green leafy veggies.....
Hubby: What about them?
Me: Ever heard about the concept of "Balanced diet"
Hubby: I have that at lunch in office?
Me: :-O whatttt?
Hubby: wada pav
Me: (*eyes popped out) Whatttt?
Hubby: Why ask the same question twice?
Here goes the lunch menu @ office
Monday: Wada Pav
Tuesday: Misal Pav
Wednesday: Bhajiya Pav
Thursday: Bhaji Pav
Friday: Idlis At RBI  (since its a friday)
Me: Thats it then....
Hubby; Whatttt????
Me: Eat the lauki....
Hubby: So (* with a triumphant look) ... so we have agreed on the menu....
Me: YES- WE have agreed on the menu
Hubby: Since tomorrow is a Tuesday, Aloo gobhi it is (*glee)
Me: Yes, Palak it is!!!! (*sighs)
Hubby:(*sighs)
So much for our agreement!!!!! :)
Hubby: hmmmm (*sighs).....
Me: hmmmm