Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Happy Engineer's Day


Source: picturesof.net

Happy Engineer's Day to one and all - especially engineers. I especially congratulate myself for being one!!! I think all engineers are proud to be one even if they are jobless / mindless or plain dumb or for that matter successful / smart / building bridges or chips or bulbs or generating power. Well - engineers are a proud breed. Proud  not because of the education or the degree or the job, proud because they went through the process of completing their engineering studies and finally getting a degree.
Well, there are 2 types of engineers. Now you would think - only 2??? Now - its not what you are thinking. I am not talking about the computers / electronics / mechanical / civil / instrumentation or even the environmental engineer. To be clear, once again, there are 2 types of engineers - first - those who went to an engineering college and lived at their homes with their mummyji and papaji and siblings!!!! And second - there are those engineers who went to an engineering college and lived in a hostel!!!! Aahhhh!!!! Now thats the breed that I am talking about. And truely, those are the engineers we are really proud of being.
Source: www.geocnc.com

Well, the hostel life in an engineering college is starkly different. I for one, did not have 5 star hostels. I remember, in our first year, we had a tin roof. Scarcity of water. Horrible food. Slow moving fans. Queues outside the washroom. We addressed our seniors as mam / sir. Till this day, if I happen to meet one of my long lost seniors, the mam / sir part remains. Its become a part of their name. I remember the first semester especially when the freshers HAD to wear salwaar kameez ONLY with dupatta and oil their hair and make a braid or tie it up. I remember the engineering drawing sessions and how I had mastered the Glass Tracing technique and submitted sheets and sheets of submissions. I also remember burning my mattress in this process (GT was forbidden !!!). I remember compering the engineer's day in college and being the food coordinator and ahem!!! going for tasting too. At the end of it all, my feet had hurt like hell. We had watched 6 AM  movies in nondescript movie halls where tickets were cheap and to save money we would walk it up. The new year celebrations were fantastic. Oh, how we used to hog on food. We would have put anybody to shame. Maggie was a blessing in disguise. It was a saviour on many a night especially when you had discovered cockroaches in your mess ka khana. The freshers party and the farewell party - how all the year students would be busy in atleast one of them. And the exams!!!! We could finish books in one day. 37 was the magical figure for us ( 3 marks grace!!!). 


Had mastered the art of scanning. The Xerox wala being a revered and reliable friend for notes and books. No - many times we did not buy books, we just got them photocopied. It was easy to distribute chapters among 2-3 people and study them. Its difficult to tear up books - chapter wise!!!!! Engineers per say, study only during the prep leave and the best of them study only during the exams. And once the exams are over, a movie it is - to unwind and prepare for the next exam day after tomorrow :-). Engineers are an odd lot. There are thousands and thousands of things which are coming to my mind right now. In this case, seriously, the journey is the destination.
Source: http://www.wittysparks.com
And so, I believe Chetan Bhagat did not write something sacred when he wrote 5 POINT SOMEONE!!! Apart from the story line - student falling for the prof's daughter - everything is known and accepted - amongst the engineers. And that is also why, I don't think, that 3 IDIOTS is great movie. Its an okay movie with almost no novelty thrown in. And then again, I don't quite get the 'shor' surrounding the Chetan Bhagat - 3 IDIOTS movie saga. Sure the book and the movie must be a great read and watch for a lot of people, but again, there is no point fighting over the copywrite infridgements because that is common to almost all the engineering colleges which have a hostel facility.
Anyways, I had been in a fix since quite sometime about the topics to blog about. Checked in on twitter and found my topic there :-). Did not waste time and got down to blogging!!!!

Another Phone Call

The caller (a female voice) on my 'personal' mobile phone:
Caller  : Hello???
Me      : Yes....
Caller  : Is this Meghna Garg from ABC ltd.
Me      : Yes..... (hopes rising...:-))
Caller  : I am xyz calling from blah blah consultancy
Me      : Yes.....
             (Hopes rising again - its good to talk to placement consultants especially when your resume is up on the job portal)
Caller  : I wanted the number of your HR deparment......(pause)
Me      : ???!!!! (confused) what??? why??? (thinking all sorts of things)
Caller  : I wanted to ask about the empanellent of our consultancy at your company...
Me      : (Mustering up courage... faking a stern voice) How did you get my number xyz???
Caller   : From your resume on the job portal :-P :-) (perhaps grinning at her own smartness)
Me      : Here goes.....xxxxxxxxx (
             (chickened out from a smart cookie reply hoping someday she'd call me for the right reason ;-)
Me     : (Aloud to my fellow co workers) What a NERVE!!!!!

A Phone Call

This was a random call from a job seeker to the dealing room. The caller was calling for the 2nd time for a job opportunity. The first time he called, it was answered by a new joinee in the team who really didnt know how to respond. Then of course, the pro steps in ;-)
 
Caller  : Hello???
Me      : Hello. Who's this?
Caller  : Hello, is this Dhasti?
Me      : [He's got the name wrong, the name is Khyati], No- this is not Dhasti.
Caller  : Can I talk to Dhasti?
Me      : There is no one by the name of Dhasti over here. You've called a wrong number. [about to disconnect]
Caller  : No, no. I wanted to apply for the job of the trader.
Me      : Please contact the HR. They are responsible for vacancies in the company.
Caller  : No - no. My friend Ashish told me that there is a vacancy here.
Me      : Who am I talking to?
Caller  : Ashish.
Me      : Ashish from? [I meant the company]
Caller  : Ashish from Ghatkopar!!!!
Me      : :-P :-O [whaattttt] [ rejected already!!!!]
Me      : Ashish, please get in touch with the HR team. They will guide you.
Caller   : Give me the number?
Me      : [ Rejected again - didnt use the word "please" and yes - I am not the receptionist]
Me      : Its available on the company website.
Me      : Thanks [putting the receiver down]
Me      : [to myself] Phew!!!!!  The nerve of the guy!!!
 
All of us : Ha ha ha :-D

Office Comparisons

Ekta and me were comparing notes on our work places when we met in Hyderabad. She works in a rival general insurance company. Rival??? - I am not too sure about the "rival" bit but anyways.....

Ekta        : If there is a function in my family in Chennai, my boss asks me to leave early :-P
Me          : Well mine too. Atleast he has never said no.

Ekta        : We can use GTalk.
Me          : Me too :-P
Ekta        : :-P

Ekta        : We have had no offsites.
Me          : Me too :-P
Ekta        : :-P

Ekta        : No increment.
Me          : Me too :-P
Ekta        : :-X

Ekta       : I get leaves without much hassle.
Me         : Yeah!!! This one I am winning - I can take "SICK LEAVES" in ADVANCE  and well  accumulate them too :-O
Ekta       : You WIN *clap clap*
Me         : *Taking a bow*

P.S. I had to win this one ;-)

Arranged Match

A arranged match was "fixed" between two individuals, for marraige, by the elders in the family. The girl, lets call her Hema and the boy, lets call him Dharam underwent or should I say endured the following process:

Round 1:
Dharam's Father : (On a phone call to Hema's father) Namaste ji !!!! Ji, we, I and my Missus, were just passing by your residence, thought we'll come and see (read - check out) your daughter and meet your family, of course, if that is not a problem with you (in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon :-O, of course its a problem, but nevertheless). By the way, Dharam is also with me!!!!

Hema's Father: Arre no ji...not at all...this is your house only...you are most welcome...I will immediately inform Hema's mother...(so that Hema can be made presentable for the occasion!!!!) and reach home in just 30 mins...

At home, Hema's mother hastily makes the preparations...orders a local mithaiwala to send in some "motichoor ke laddoos" immediately along with some "namkeen", "cream biscuits" and "cold drinks". Hema is given instructions to quickly get ready in her best salwaar kameez...she reluctantly obliges!!!!

Dharam and Dharam's parents ARRIVE...rightly so...
Everyone is seated in the drawing room and sipping tea / cold-drinks and looking at the prospective bride and groom :-)

Hema's Mother : (Thinking in her mind) The boy is a little bit dark....hmmmm.... my daughter has more degrees than him....she is M.A....while he is only B.Com...my daughter is also very fair...gori - chitti...thodi  'healthy' hai par thik hai...the boy's personality is also okay...not that great.....hmm... only son ....hmmmm.... well settled in family business....Jackpot :-)
Hema's Father: (Thinking in his mind) Dharam's father is in a related business...good for our family business...hmmm.... only son.... looks a little bit meek...sahi hai...Hema is smarter...of course, compromise toh karna padega...after all, one can't get everything in life....hmmmm...jackpot???!!!!!!

Dharam's Father: (Thinking in his mind) The girl is okay....fair....thodi moti hai...but  my son is also dark and meek...good family...of course, a dowry has to be discussed....could be useful in business also....hmmm...jackpot!!!!!

Dharam's Mother: (Thinking in her mind) The girl is fattttt. Colour is okay...these days dusky girls are preferred...so what if she is fair...but she is definitely fatttttt. More degrees than my son...hmmm....too much education is also not good for the girl...will take some hard work to control her....hmmmm.....but she definitely has to reduce...atleast 10 kgs....has to join VLCC....hmmmm.....jackpot :-x

For the first 5 mins, only the sound of munching biscuits....and sipping of the cold drinks and tea is heard...after a while, Hema's father begins the conversation...


Round 2

Hema's father: So what do you think Ji....the children will look good together.... we toh ji like your son...simple and sober and shy (read submissive / meek)....Ji, your family is also good.... By God, Dharam's mother is also so simple and nice and quiet (well - as long as it lasts!!!)...

Hema's mother: Have some more namkeen ji...this is the best namkeen in this city !!! (Offering them the plate)

Dharam's father: Hmmmm... the girl is also good...simple and sober and shy and educated...(*Dharam's mother rolling her eyes*) What do you think Dharam ki maa?

Dharam's mother: Dekho ji, we like the girl.... but she is a bit fat.... she has to join VLCC....(Vandana Luthra will be sooooo happy)...we are a simple family...and we want a simple girl who will adjust...(read - education be damned...I am the boss)...

Hema's mother: Arre Dharam ki maa, do not worry at all.....our daughter is very obedient...(well - atleast she will be intially)... I have taught her everything...she makes very good Chole Bhature....She has made that for lunch today...you must have lunch and then only go....


Round 3:
Dharam's mother:  Hmmmm.....Ji, thik hai....
Dharam's father:    Hmmmm...thik hai ji....
Hema's father:       (*Smiling*) thik hai ji....
Hema's monther:   (*Smiling* - offering the "motichoor ke laddoss" ) these are best "motichoor ke laddoss" in the city ji...:-)

Hema's mother: Ae Ji, let the children talk for a little while....even they should know each other better...now that they are going to be life partners....Beta, you can go to the TV room and chat for a while (*smiling broadly*)....

The "children" apparently leave for the TV room and actually watch TV....leaving their elders to talk about other details!!!!!

Round 4:
Dharam's father: Ji, the marraige will take place in our city....and as told to you earlier also (referring to Hema's father), we will finalise the budget...Rs. XX,XX,XXX ...
Hema's Father: Ji, I am perfectly fine with this...but we will definitely have one small function over here also!!!!

Both the mothers are nodding in unison!!!!

Dharam's mother: Please buy more sarees for Hema......since we wear a lot of sarees....and yes - no jeans allowed...it is not in our culture you see....

Hema's mother: Dont you worry Samdhan ji....I will arrange for everything as per your requirement (read "including gold")...:-)


Hema: (thinking "ho gaya....life ka kachra....") *sigh*
Dharam: (thinking "Happy Budday") *sigh*



P.S. It happens only in India.

MIS reporting

Sales guy  to Sales Head: Sir, here is the weekly MIS

Sales Head : [Looking at the one page MIS] hmmmmm
                  : Sales Target has increased,
                  : Branches have increased....
                  : Increase the length of the MIS... make it 2 pages

Sales guy    : :-P (*eyes rolling*)

Dinner Hassles!!!!

Its dinner time (in my case, 11 PM).... Hubby and me lay the table... with the usual, daal, subzi, curd, chapatis and salads. There's some random movie on HBO.
Hubby: (*frowns)...hmmmm...... lauki again....yellow dal.... chapatis ......hmmmmm
Me: (*defensive)...dont expect me to cook chappan bhog at 9 PM....I am really not in the mood to cook after work....
Hubby: (*a sheepish smile)... no - not that....but LAUKI.... I hate LAUKI.... and TINDAS....BEANS....EGG PLANT.... LADY'S FINGER....PALAK....
Me: o-O .........and what should I cook then your royal highness..... I repeat "dont expect me to cook chappan bhog at 9 PM....I am really not in the mood to cook after work...."
Hubby: What about potatoes? Why dont you cook potatoes more often???
Me: Potatoes????!!!!! you are what you eat!!! ahem.. .and you have started looking like a potato....
Hubby: Here's the weekly dinner menu:
Monday: Aloo matar
Tuesday: Aloo gobhi
Wednesday: Dry aloo pyaaz
Thursday: Aloo methi
Friday: Paneer (for the wifey) and leftovers of thursday
Me: what about other nutritional needs? what about the green leafy veggies.....
Hubby: What about them?
Me: Ever heard about the concept of "Balanced diet"
Hubby: I have that at lunch in office?
Me: :-O whatttt?
Hubby: wada pav
Me: (*eyes popped out) Whatttt?
Hubby: Why ask the same question twice?
Here goes the lunch menu @ office
Monday: Wada Pav
Tuesday: Misal Pav
Wednesday: Bhajiya Pav
Thursday: Bhaji Pav
Friday: Idlis At RBI  (since its a friday)
Me: Thats it then....
Hubby; Whatttt????
Me: Eat the lauki....
Hubby: So (* with a triumphant look) ... so we have agreed on the menu....
Me: YES- WE have agreed on the menu
Hubby: Since tomorrow is a Tuesday, Aloo gobhi it is (*glee)
Me: Yes, Palak it is!!!! (*sighs)
Hubby:(*sighs)
So much for our agreement!!!!! :)
Hubby: hmmmm (*sighs).....
Me: hmmmm